P3: The musings of passive emo warrior Jesus
by Helppls
Summary: Thoughts and feelings flow throughout the very fabric of the universe. Every color, sound, and emotion reflects their cosmic energy, in ways invisible to all but those who remember the particular glint of a boy's silver eyes.


_Author(using the term loosely)'s note: this is my first attempt at writing anything ever, I still don't know why I did it but I was drunk and it was late. I tried though, so please be gentle. I might do more eventually on the off chance someone finds it readable which would surprise me considering the lack of structure and progression. Also, I haven't played P3 in forever so some details might be off. All in all I basically intended it to be aimless thought clusters, but who wants to read that, really... but enough rambling, go on now with my blessing. _

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**-First thought about social links and tuning out The Magician-**

When I was told that social links were the gateway to unlocking my potential, I knew there was a lesson I had to learn, some hidden truths or perspective there was to find within ''the power of friendship''. I had an idea when observing the eating habits of my comrades in arms, from Junpei who was seldom seen in the dormitories without an instant ramen cup, to Mitsuru who maintained a balanced diet, of which she surely must have been bored. In the interest of gaining approval and reinforcing the team spirit, I decided to reveal my surprisingly decent cooking skills and make dinner for everyone. I thought to make an activity out of it, a weekly gathering for SEES to sit down together and bond, which was to everyone's benefit. I wish I could say I initially did it out of consideration for them.

I hadn't actually done anything yet, I was still just scheming, when my first link actually came to me, something I did not expect in the slightest. Apparently walking to school with Yukari made me a point of interest. According to Kenji Tomichika, it was odd that a girl as popular and desired as she would hang around just any boy, even a mysterious transfer student. Maybe my indifference was a fresh change for her? More likely she was just being nice to her new dorm mate or felt guilty for pulling a ''gun'' on me when we met. Though his words made me think about the matter, I can't say I matched Kenji's burning desire to discuss it after school.

When he asked me out for ramen at Paulonia Mall I was slightly surprised, but I took it in stride and tagged along. My acquaintance was a talkative one, he barely stopped speaking long enough to shove noodles in his maw. All I had to do was nod and offer a comment here and there. I remember asking myself why I was there, if it was fair to play nice with this person only because of the possibility that my powers might develop. Would it even work? If I felt that way, wouldn't the lessons I was supposed to learn by building social links fly right over my head? Kenji's words blurred together as I lost myself in thought. My face remained expressionless as my brain hatched a new hypothesis on social links.

I'd been moving from city to city, from school to school every year since my parents died, which felt like a lifetime ago. Naturally over time I had distanced myself from the idea of building any long-lasting relationships. When I returned to Tatsumi Port Island, I had become weary and tired of seeing new faces, of having to jump through the social hoops. With that in mind, while Kenji was droning on, I thought it was a possibility that Igor intended me to finally grow close to people, to learn to leave my lone wolf habits behind. Maybe in there lied the true strength I was to find, in the gathering of a pack, so to speak. I'd have to break down some psychological walls and reclaim some of my humanity, which meant trying harder with people, starting immediately with Kenji, then with SEES and whoever else I'd meet on my journeys. I wasn't sure if I could muster enough energy to change, but I certainly felt obligated to try.

For the fist time in years I looked, really looked at someone instead of just in their general direction. I didn't just hear, I listened. I reached out and spoke to someone, not just to the air around them. I found that it was tiring. This was going to take some work. I admit that I felt vaguely rewarded when he smiled, patted me on the back and told me we should hang out again. Time slowed, color faded out of everything but Kenji who seemed to glow with energy. I saw tarot cards floating, swirling and turning in the static space that surrounded my new friend. I could feel the card that depicted the arcana he had an affinity for. Sitting there at Hagakure's ramen place, enveloped by the strings of fate, I had met my magician. Though I didn't know it, that moment was the tangible beginning of my shaping into the holder of the universe. I smiled back lightly at Kenji as he left the mall, unaware of the importance of what had just happened. I sat there for a minute, yawned, pulled my earphones on, stood up from my seat, put my hands in my pockets, and slouched off casually towards the dormitory.

**-Early days of field leadership with Da Man and Overly Pink-**

Among the two other options for field command, one was still scared and the other too hot headed. Neither of them had actually summoned their personas as of then. It is also likely that Mitsuru and Akihiko wanted to discover the extent of what I could do as I was clearly an anomaly even among those with the potential. From their perspective, I suppose I was the obvious choice, to Junpei's dismay. Yukari seemed relieved that I had been picked, which is understandable. She fought with a bow, putting her time in the archery club to good use. Junpei grabbed the biggest katana officer Kurosawa had shipped us and slashed the air with it in practice a few times exactly how one would swing a baseball bat. Before we entered the first level of the labyrinth, Akihiko whispered to me to make sure that Yukari pulls that trigger and that Junpei doesn't pull it too much.

It had been easy to assess my soldier's strengths and weaknesses and how their personas reflected them. Junpei was strong, eager, and, believe it or not, a quick learner, Yukari was precise, cautious, quick to execute commands, and a natural at healing spells. I myself was the adaptable one, dancing around the battlefield exploiting every weakness Mitsuru's radar ability could perceive. Akihiko asked Junpei to join the Kendo club and surely enough he did. He was growing into the fighter we needed him to be. Yukari had taken down shadows before they even reached us. She had gained enough confidence to trust her combat instincts, which made me a satisfied field leader. We could now emerge dominant from Tartarus's lower levels with only scuffles and scratches.

The beast let out a guttural war cry as it smashed it's gigantic fist in the space where I stood a second earlier. Twisting my body around, I severed his arm, my longsword slicing harshly though it's thick black mass. I pulled back as it opened it's jaw to scream, either in pain or to cast a spell, only to receive a perfectly aimed arrow in the roof of it's mouth. It grabbed it's head with it's remaining hand and wailed, trying to turn away to shield itself from Yukari's arrows but to no avail as Junpei and I were already closing in on it. Observing how I had sliced off it's arm, my comrade lowered his two-handed blade, dodged a clumsy strike from the shadow and carved through it's leg in a sweeping motion with enough force to completely sever the limb. I jumped on it's chest as it fell and it hadn't yet hit the ground before I stabbed it thrice through the core. As it dissipated and melted under me I rolled on the ground and stood up. We hadn't even needed our evokers for this one.

Junpei cried victory while Yukari pulled her arrow out of the blackened remains of our foe. ''Dismemberment seems effective against these kinds of shadows'' we heard Mitsuru speak directly into our minds. ''Something you caught on to quickly, Iori'', she added. ''I had a decent enough example'' Junpei replied, glancing at me with an expression I couldn't read. I lifted my arm and thumbed up. Yukari, evoker in hand asked if anyone had been hurt, looking at me directly. I didn't feel much pain or tiredness from our adventures and found it easy to ignore wounds, which was something our healer felt concerned about.

On the nights that Mitsuru and I decided SEES should go to Tartarus, I made dinner for everyone. I wasn't completely comfortable with the idea of a team mate venturing into the shadow pit with nothing but noodles in their stomachs. If they weren't properly nourished, they'd tire while fighting, which could be lethal. I think that is how it happened; I slowly went from taking care of them in the interest of maximizing combat efficiency to making their concerns my own as a friend. Just like I planned, I saw myself changing slowly, observing my evolving behaviors with a hint of amusement. Through trials of pain and small moments in times of peace, I discovered friendship and trust with these people. By the fall, I had a family.

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_Review me, I'm begging you, for the love of god if you have any humanity left in you review my junk._

_Even something along the lines of ''Git gud'' or ''Jump off a bridge'' would be helpful. Help pls, me love you long time._

_-_Helppls__


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